to grammar freaks--mostly Mom and Aunt Crystal :-) [WARNING: This blog contains some serious grammatical errors for the sake of fancy. I KNOW they are errors, so you don't need to tell me... Just think of Me, Myself, and I as being different people. Maybe I'll even capitalize things to help the idea along.]
This is a transcript of a meeting between me and myself. Or, should I say between myself and I? I think the second way is more correct.
One thing the assignment for this blog mentioned was self ten years ago. Well, ten years ago, I didn't know myself. I was climbing trees, playing soccer, writing 4-H speeches, and getting used to wearing my new glasses. My ten-year-old self probably would think it very boring to meet with someone so OLD as I, and would be rather bored. So I won't bore Myself with that-- I'll let Myself go run outside and have fun; after all, childhood doesn't last very long, and Myself should have time to enjoy it.
So, in my quest to fulfill my assignment, I shall search for Me. I think, at age fourteen, Me would be more interested in a conversation. With one brother newly married and another heading off to college, adulthood would seem much more interesting to Me. And, as I step back into the past, there are some decisions for Me to make soon. Hope you can follow along.....
The first thing I notice, when looking at Me, is a little black smudge. Then I remember that my brother's wedding, just recently passed, was what inspired Me to start wearing makeup (just mascara, though). Mom hadn't told Me yet how to apply makeup without making a mess, so everyone who saw Me saw those smudges. Two weeks of smudges later, and Dad asked Me, "Are you wearing makeup? [insert my laugh here] What? It's not like you've been wearing it for weeks or anything!" [insert even louder laughter here--poor Daddy!]
I have surprised Me. She's glad to see that I have straighter teeth, a cute haircut, and have finally grown into my weight. She also thinks that I am crazy.
"That's such a waste!" she says. "If you want to be poor and miserable, that's your problem."
I cringe; I should have remembered how Me responded to this question before.
You see, I plan to go to school, become a nurse, then go somewhere else as a missionary. And make no money. Who knows, maybe live in a remote village somewhere like my Aunt Karen. Those are my plans now. But at fourteen, everything looked different.
The American Dream belonged to Me. She wanted to go to school, work a few years to make a lot of money, then settle down with a family. She wanted a big house with nice furniture. Clothes were very important to Me; she had been discovering that clothes, and having money to buy certain kinds of clothes, both affect how people viewed her. A resolution followed: dorky clothes would never again be worn by Me. She wanted to have the money to buy anything she wanted. Oh, yes, give some to the church, too, but it was all about Me. Her time as a missionary kid was enough sacrifice made; it was time to go for the moola.
Of course I know that money doesn't mean everything. But for Me, just coming to have a broader understanding of the world, money was the ticket to acceptance; and she never wanted to be rejected again. Money was becoming the focus of her security. That was bad.
Thankfully, there was a friend, a good friend, who wanted better for Me. In fact, He wanted the best for me. And He started showing Me how wrong her philosophies were. At the same time, He planted a seed in her mind of a better way...... beginning with giving up a year between high school and college to serve on the MV Logos II, a vessel that seeks to bring Knowledge, Help, and Hope to people all over the world.
For months, the response was, "NOT Me; let someone else go."
But He wouldn't let up; my friend kept talking to me about it, showing me how it was possible with His help. Finally the breaking point came. "Okay, I'll go. Send Me."
That decision made Me who I am now. My friend (so much more than friend, He's Saviour, God-Who Sees Me, Redeemer, Rock, Mighty One, the Lord-Who-Provides) taught me many things through my experiences. I have learned about different cultures (that happens when you live with people from 50 different countries). I have learned about poverty (a ten day trip into Sierra Leone helped with that). And I have a different perspective on what is important, and what sacrifice really is.
First off, money is not mine. I may make money, but God gave me a way to make money, so it all belongs to God anyway. So the question is not "would I spend fifty bucks of my money on that," but rather "would I spend fifty bucks of God's money on that?" There's nothing wrong with having a big house if you NEED a big house; especially if you've dedicated it to hospitality ministry. But the issue is that if you don't need something, or if you don't think God would want His money spent that way, then do without.
That's all well and good (or so Me used to say), but then you're miserable. But I'm not. I don't think I will be, either. Because once you give all your stuff (money included) to God, then He takes care of it; I don't have to worry about it anymore. And when I am living in submission to God, my attitudes are subject to His, which means that I can enjoy life to the fullest without all this extra stuff. After all, Jesus had nothing of material value. He had all the power, authority, and might in the universe to do whatever He wanted, but He didn't use it to get stuff. He had nothing we would consider of value, except for one thing: LIFE. He brought Life more abundant! And He did it without the latest car, the newest tunes, and the handiest gadgets. So if God Himself didn't need "stuff" to accomplish the greatest work since creation, why do we lust after material goods for our fleeting lives here?
So, that's something I have learned--and why Me would think I'm crazy. But maybe it's the world that's crazy, not I.....
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