Hmmmm.....

Have I really led such a mediocre life that I don't have a best or worst thing I have ever done? This assignment is supposed to be about the best and worst things we have ever done, and our motivations for those actions.

I'm afraid to mention the worst things I can think of, just because other people will say, "What a smug little goody two-shoes!" But let me remind all readers that stealing candy is as serious as the Enron execs stealing millions from the company. Sin is sin. Period. We don't punish the two offenses in the same way because the hurt they cause the world is not equal. But in God's book (literally), both are capital offenses. But I'm not on death row anymore; someone else had the ingenious plan to make a switch, just like in A Tale of Two Cities. Except this time the judge and executioner knew about, and endorsed, the substitution. Yeshua Ben-Yosef, not Sidney Carton, was the one who stepped in my shoes to face a death worse than the guillotine. But it was my misdeeds as much as anyone else's that put Jesus on the cross. All this to say that sin is sin, whether big or little, harmless or not.

One of the worst things I ever did was to totally ignore someone who needed my help in a time of serious illness.

My mom has Meniere's disease, which sometimes gives her bouts of vertigo. When she has a bad dizzy spell, she cannot turn her head without throwing up. Footsteps in the other end of the house can cause vibrations that send waves of nausea over her. One day several years ago, my brother and I were home with Mom when one of these spells hit. She threw up into a bucket on the way to her chair. She called feebly for us to come help. The dizziness was bad enough that she couldn't open her eyes or move at all. She asked us to take the bucket and empty it; it was making her more nauseated. So what did I do? Did I go an empty it like she'd done for me a hundred times in the past? No. I fought with my brother over who would do it. The noise only made Mom feel worse, of course, and the bucket was not getting any emptier. Finally, my brother took it and washed it out. We each got a lecture from Dad that evening about selfishness and ungratefulness. And boy, did I deserve it!

Selfishness is ugly. It is very ugly. I can't think of a single sin that doesn't spring out of selfishness and self-centeredness. And to be honest, a lot of things that I do that are good are done out of selfishness. I want to feel good about myself, and that's why I do them. Or I want other people to help me feel good about myself.

One of the nicest things I've done was just about a year or so ago. I was in a Dollar Tree store, buying some really cheap (3 for a dollar!) picture frames. The checkout clerk was a sad-looking man in his fifties, with unkempt hair straggling around his bald patches. I smiled and said hello, like I always do, and he immediately started in on a story about how he needed money. He said his hours at both Dollar Tree and Target had been cut back to where he was having a hard time making ends meet. In fact, he said that he didn't have enough food for his kids for the week. I didn't want to give him money; be "wise as serpents," after all. So I went out to my car without giving him anything except "have a nice day." Then I thought about it some more and decided to do something else. I went over to the grocery store and bought about a week's worth of supplies: peanut butter, jam, bread, Tuna Helper, Tuna, canned chicken, Chicken Helper, salad, beans, broccoli, and some potatoes, that kind of stuff. Then I headed back to the dollar store to give them to the guy. He hardly even acknowledged the gift. He said "thanks," nodded, and went back to what he was doing.

I was miffed. He hadn't even really said thank you! I had spent hard-earned cash and time on that, and that's all the thanks I get? Then God reminded me that if I'd done it for the praise, then I'd done it for the wrong reasons. I guess that's why we're not supposed to let one hand know that the other is giving something away.... because once the whole self becomes involved, it can get kinda self-ish. Look at what I'M giving, what I'M doing, where I'M volunteering.

I wonder if I've done anything really out of totally pure motives. As a Christian, I should be doing things for God's glory; I should be motivated to do good things to point people to him. But the "should" and the "does" are not usually the same.

I'll keep this updated, so if I think of anything better, or worse, than what I've posted here, it will appear.